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Post by ashleigh04 on Jul 9, 2006 13:44:54 GMT -5
I'm afraid i may be leaving. NSE + the jolly world of Espirit. I just can't take this anymore, the hatred, the love and the lies. Yes you might know my saying from my journal.
I don't know if i'll chicken out. Last time i had to get treatment.
Well fuck that.
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Post by Crow'sia on Jul 9, 2006 14:00:36 GMT -5
Life's throwing you a hard time, eh? I had that a few months ago, when I left in March, only for probably different yet similar reasons. Life is meant to be hard, it's challenging so that we will live and try, if life were easy there would be little point in continuing to breathe. But, despite this, we long for it to be easy, we try again and again to make it that way, and sometimes it is.
No matter how awful things are now, they will get better. That's what's awesome about the future, we make it, and it can be whatever we want. Everyone else is just a variable or an obstacle thrown onto the proverbial road we walk. We can either run right over them or pick them up and learn something, maybe even take a new path.
Teenagers are gits half the time, we always will be, can't help it, its in our nature. The important thing is to just try and stick to what you believe. When people are hateful, find out why they are like that, decide if you want to try and sway them, see if their hatred is justified, when people express love, whether it be friends or family or something deeper decide what, it's always going to be confusing and always create problems. Emotion is very very fickle and very unreliable. People lie, because they need to preserve themselves, its their solution, and they don't always intend to hurt someone in the process, but with lies things can always go astray.
Am I making any sense here? I get kind of pseudo-philosphical like that sometimes, all opinionated and such. If you do decide to leave the world of NSE, Espirit, we'll always be here with open arms. I really hope things get better for you, cause being in the gutters, or feeling like you're in them, truly does suck, and it one of the worst feelings ever. I do recommend a break though perhaps, so that you can collect yourself and find your own solution to turn things around. We all need those mental health days! XD
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Post by ashleigh04 on Jul 9, 2006 14:06:38 GMT -5
<333333333333333333333333
The whole boyfriend thing is upsetting me aswell. Sam is my new guy and he knows what i'm going through, he supports me all the way.
Last month or so i tried jumping out of a window. I was pursuaded to get back inside as 'i would just get badly hurt not die'
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Post by Crow'sia on Jul 9, 2006 14:15:40 GMT -5
-huggle-
It's good that he is so supportive, because having someone there with you can make all the difference.
It is a good thing you did not jump though, because whoever said that was right, had you jumped you probably would have survived. You might have been prefectly fine, on the other hand, you might have been permanently injured, paralyzed or a vegetable for the rest of your life, and what kind of a life is that? Suicide crosses a lot of people's minds but I do not personally believe it is the answer. It is the 'easy way out', but the easy way is not always the right way.
It takes a lot of determination to kill ones self, why not harness that for something better, something greater that had a positive effect and not a negative one upon yourself and the people around you? It sounds kind of like you need a break, some you time, a time to sleep.
I left NSE for that very reason, I needed to shut down and stop functioning, and sleep. And sure, suicide will do this, but then, what was the point? You took a break and now your life is over? What an awful idea. There are always other ways to achieve release, it just takes a little more work.
And I feel still paranoid that I'm really not helping and hurting cause I have no idea what's actually going on in your life and this is all opinion, eh?
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Post by ashleigh04 on Jul 9, 2006 14:28:37 GMT -5
< 3333333333333333333 -huggles-
and one thought just crossed my mind. I'll never see my horses, dogs or rabbits ever again nor my family.
School is killing me, everybody hates me there. No one gives a toss.
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Post by Crow'sia on Jul 9, 2006 14:52:07 GMT -5
Exactly. It's totally not worth it. So much to look forward to.
School will end though, and things could change, people will realize how idiotic they are being eventually.
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Post by stitchedskull on Jul 9, 2006 15:09:50 GMT -5
I know how it is.
Things always brighten up eventually.
*hugs*
Sorry I can't write more, scamming Wi-fi from a motel across the street.
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Post by ashleigh04 on Jul 10, 2006 10:05:03 GMT -5
< 33333333333333 thankyou both of you.
Everyday at school is the same, girls run up to me bitching,
teachers blame me for everything.
And then i get laughed at all fricken day.
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Post by ponymad on Jul 10, 2006 10:07:37 GMT -5
*hugs tightly*
I know how you feel, last friday my so called best friend started bitching about me behind my back on a school trip! How gay is that xD lol.
As Corpse says things will get better eventually! You have my support!
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Post by Kindred Blue on Jul 10, 2006 12:01:31 GMT -5
-nudges lovingly with nose- Hey kid, cheer up. You know, life aint all that bad. We were given a chance to enjoy the world and evolve into something better than the people around us. Jump out of a window? Grow wings and soar from it honey, 'cause that's what living really means.
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Post by stitchedskull on Jul 10, 2006 14:52:59 GMT -5
Si, si. *agrees with Kinneh*
I'm in a rut right now with myself really. Low self esteem... really low. Nothin' I like about myself... nothing I like at all. Everything makes me feel like a failure and not even art comforts me anymore. But... we'll get over it. It's just hormones messing with our little minds.
Best of luck and lots of love.
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Post by serrenity on Jul 11, 2006 8:29:27 GMT -5
I hope things get better for you, I really do.
-Serenity
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Post by ashleigh04 on Jul 11, 2006 12:47:35 GMT -5
< 33333333333333 art hates me completely. I always used to turn and draw what i felt now my pictures look demented. I want wings Kinneh  |
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